Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Lodestar of Life

"Love is like the Polar Star. In a changing world, it is a constant. It is something that, when sincere, never moves. It is the very essence of the teachings of Christ. It is the security of the home. It is the safeguard of community life. It is a beacon of hope in a world of distress."
-Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Consequence of Sound

My rhyme ain't good just yet,

My brain and tongue just met,

And they ain't friends,

so far,

My words don't travel far,

They tangle in my hair,

And tend to go nowhere,

They grow right back inside,

Right past my brain and eyes

Into my stomach juice

Where they don't serve much use,

No healthy calories,

Nutrition values.

And I absorb back in

The words right through my skin

They sit there festering inside my bowels

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds.

Got a soundtrack in my mind,

All the time.

Kids-Screamin' from too much beat up

And they don't even rhyme,

They just stand there, on a street corner,

Skin tucked in

And meat side out and shot,

And I'd like to turn them down

But there ain't no knob.

Run into picket fences

Not into picket lines.

All this hippie stuff is for the 60's

Just a cliche for our time.

But a one of these days your heart

Will just stop ticking,

And they sorta just don't find you till your cubicle is reeking.

Did you know that the gravedigger's still

Gettin' stuck in the machine

Even tough it's a whole other daydream.

It's another town it's another world,

Where the kids are asleep,

where the loans are paid

And the lawns are mowed.

Whad'ya think?

All the gravediggers were gone?

Just cause one song is done

There's always another one,

Waiting right around the bend,

Till this one ends,

Then it begins

Squeaky clean, then it starts all over again.

The weather report keeps on

Tossing and turning,

Predicting and warning,

And warning and warning of,

Possible leakage from news publications and,

Possible leakage from news TV stations.

That very same morning right next to my coffee

I noticed some bleeding and heard hollow coughing and

National Geographic was being too graphic,

When all I had wanted to know was the traffic

"The worlds got a nosebleed"

it said

"And we're flooding but we keep on cutting

The trees and the forests!"

And we keep on paying those freaks on the TV,

Who claim they will save us but want to enslave us.

And sweating like demons they scream through our speakers

But we leave the sound on 'cause silence is harder.

And no one's the killer and no one's the martyr

The world that has made us can no longer contain us

And profits are empty then rotting away 'cause

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


I don't know why I have been blogging so much. I guess I just feel like writing all the time, I don't know.

Church was good today. It was the primary program today, and Kenlie did such a good job. She is so cute, and I love her so much. My mom gave the lesson today in YW, and she also did such a good job. I think her lesson was so important especially to the young women today. She talked about the story of the ugly duckling, and pointed out that he was not the outcast because he was necessarily ugly, but because he was different. Because his feathers were gray instead of yellow, and his neck was a bit longer than the other ducklings. After time had passed he began to grow and develope into a beautiful swan, and was no longer thought of as the "ugly duckling."

Society puts so much pressure on girls these days to be more thin and pretty. Every where you go, there is someone or something telling or showing you how you need to look dress and act. It leaves no room for difference, or accepting of something that is a change from what they think perfect is. It is sad how vain our world has become.

My mom talked about loving yourself. And having self confidence in your own skills, abilities, talents, and personal appearance. She talked about how you can't serve and love other people until you know how to love yourself. I think that concept can also be turned around. People can't fully love, respect and appreciate you, unless you can love and appreciate yourself. Even though my moms class was extremely uncooperative, and unresponsive, I think she did a very good job teaching the lesson. It was an important one for girls of that age to hear. If I could give my little sisters one piece of advice as they grow up, it would be to love themselves for who they know they are and who they want to be, and to never lower or change their standards to please anyone else.

I have the 2 most amazing little sisters on this earth. Rylie is so sensitive to other people's feelings and so fun to be around. She has such a bright personality and she can make you laugh at anytime. I think Rylie has more self confidence than most 14 year old girls I have ever met. She is who she is, and doesn't care much about what other people think about her. She is so willing to help around the house with chores and extra things, and is such a close friend to me, that I feel like I can confide anything in her.

Kenlie is my ray of sunshine. She is one of the biggest examples to me in my life. She is always so positive. I can't express to you what a positive influence she is to me in my life. She cares so much about everyone around her and would do anything to help anyone out. She has so much love inside her and not enough time to give it all out. She is the most unselfish little girl I have ever met with such a strong testimony. I have never met a little girl who is more willing to give and help with such a positive attitude. I think most people in my life could take a lesson from Kenlie on how to love your friends and family. She is such a good example to everyone around her and I love her so much.

I hope that my two little sisters can always remember who they are. It is so hard to grow up and it gets harder everyday.

Amanda leaves tomorrow to go back to Oregon. I am so sad! She is my best friend. She is like my crutch. I feel like me and amanda go through the same things in life at the same time. I am so sad that she is leaving, I feel like my rock is being taken away from me. She is also such a positive influence on me. But she will be back. =]

Last night, Justin came over and I just have to share this picture. Justin thinks a mustache is the in style facial hair trend right now.... (no one dares tell him that it's not.) He just hasn't got it long enough yet to where is significantly pops out and catches your eye. So.... we painted over it with mascara. You would have though it was Christmas morning for the kid. Talk about love for yourself, I don't think he has been that happy with his appearance ever. Ha! Funny boy. So here is the picture of me and Justin, his pervert mustache, and our love child Sophie. (yes, justin loves Soph almost as much as I do.)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Ode to Happiness

Some say they think it's right for people to be happy. That in fact they should be happy. Well, some do find a reason for happiness from the set of possibilities provided by current reality. Others see a potential happinessfrom the set of possibilities that are not yet provided by reality. The first group is lucky, I guess.Such folk say to the second group, "You are unrealistic." And, "You should be happy." The second group helplessly shrugs.They detest the first group. The second group changes the world. Happiness is so much more meaningful when you know what the world is like without it. How can you feel warm when you have never been cold? How can you feel full when you have never felt hunger? So how can you know what it looks like when the sun rises if you have been living in darkness your whole life?

For a long time i think i meandered through mediocracy. I was ok with the glass not being full or empty. In the middle was just ok for me. And just ok was sufficient. I don't know why it changed. I don't know why I feel different. I don't know why I can look at the sun and even though I know it will rise everymorning, i can appreciate it even still. I am grateful to the people in my life who want to make me a better person. I am grateful for the people who want to see me with my glass half full.

I found this website while I was searching for quotes. I thought it was pretty interesting.

I thought that was pretty funny. =]

Anyways. For the first time in a long time. I am happy. =] I don't know why, but I don't really care. =]

"The way will be lighter, the worries will be fewer, the confrontations will be less difficult if we cultivate a spirit of happiness."
Gordon B. Hinckley - Oct. Conf 2002

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

How Grateful I am.

My earlier post about how no one knows me, I think came across wrong. Maybe it was just the downer mood I was in, or something else... I don't know. But I have the most awesome people in my life. I think that sometimes i take for granted how many things in my life are such huge blessings. So thank you, Lynds, and Linds, and Debbie for helping me to remember. So now, I am going to take a minute and list all of the things that I am most grateful for.
My dad
My mom
My extended family
My friends
(namely Manda, Kyle, Ash.)
My old friends
(Their mothers =])
A house to live in
Food to eat
A car to drive
My grandparents
Patience and Understanding
The lessons I have learned
The places I have been
Diet Coke
Long length jeans
Flat shoes
Fall time
The sun
People who are different than me
Tough love
Fruit and Veggies
Jason's Deli
The people who make me happy
(Namely the shins for keeping me from going insane.)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I am a Sailor.

The gutter may profess its love,
Then follow it with hesitation,
But there are just so many of
You out there for rent
A stronger girl would shake this off in flight,
And never give it more than a frowning hour,
But i have let my heart decide,Loss has conquered me,
You've won one too many fights,
Wearing many hats every time,
But you wont win here tonight,
You've made it through the direst of straits alright,
Can you help it if plain love now seems less interesting?
You haven't changed an ounce in my eyes,
And I cannot lecture you,
And does anything I say seem relevant at all?
You've been at the helm since you were just five,
While I cannot claim to be more than a passenger,
But, you've won one too many fights,
Wearing all of your clothes at the same time,
Let the good times end tonight,
Oh girl, sail her, don't sink her,
This time,
Just a moment or two from now,
Not a mind will retain even a trace,
Of the thoughts that I struggled to tell
And how our stack of cards just fell,
So settle this once and for all,
The light no longer shows the cracks around my door,
And I have no lantern to light your way home tonight,
You are not some saint who's above,
Giving someone a stroll through the flowers,
You've got so much more to dream of,
Oh girl, sail her, don't sink her,
This time.